2023 has been a typical year in some respects, and atypical in others. There has been drama, disappointment, betrayal, hope, love and a host of other things.
The first third of the year was taken up by the trial. To be clear, I wasn’t on trial, I was a witness in a trial. I’d reported a crime, child abuse, something I’d lived through and was/is still troubling me. The impact on my life cannot be understated. It is not something I want to go into detail about. That part of my life was brutal and unforgiving. It has cost me a lot to report, I lost my birth family – but maybe that wasn’t such a big loss, if people allow that to happen to you – actively hide it and cover for the person doing it… Are they worth keeping in your life?
The trial was hard, there was no way to prepare for it. I took the stand and had my past dissected. The old wounds had to be reopened and scraped though – more than once. And that was the prosecution, the peeps on my side. The defence was brutal, was I sure about things? According to the defendant they never happened, so how can we believe you? You have a mental health problem, are you sure you’re not crazy?
I made my stand; I said what needed to be said. I defended my self (even though I wasn’t the one on trial) and…
Was betrayed. One of my blood siblings committed the act of perjury. Oh, they were called on it – caught out. $8500 is all it cost to give a statement that I was lying and a horrible person, that the defendant was a good man. Investigations revealed later that more money was involved. It threw the case. It threw it into the gutter.
Oh, the Police, the CPS, both the Barristers (Prosecution and Defence) and the Judge believed me – but the jury was unable to make a decision.
So…
The case was lost.
I will never, never, never, forgive my blood family for there betrayal, for not standing up for me – both in the past when it mattered, and in the present when it could have made a difference. I can never forgive that.
Oh, they tried to get in touch to explain, to justify, to make me understand what a “bad person” I was for making a statement. How “selfish” I am to have put myself first when I should have just buried this all under the carpet and pretended for the sake of there reputations that nothing had happened.
Yeah, right.
So that was basically the first half of my year, dealing with all that. Processing and accepting that I had put myself through hell again, so they could have a laugh at my expense and roll around in pitiful sums of money.
Of course, after the trial a lot of things happened as well. I had to say goodbye to the support team that had looked after me since I’d reported. I had to say goodbye to my CPN, my Advocate and the Investigating Officer. It was hard – very hard – to let those people go. We’d been through so much together. They were important to me. I reported seven years ago and had been supported through the process right from the start. I know not everyone gets that support, so I was lucky.
The betrayal still hurts, and I guess that was the point of why the blood-kin did it in the first place; to hurt me. I have promised myself that they will never hurt me again. They are all dead to me. They had a chance to make things right, and decided en-group that I was being selfish for wanting justice. You can’t help people like that. They want to be victims for the rest of there lives. I don’t. I want to put this all behind me and move forward.
So, what else happened this year?
My partner became an elected government official – they hadn’t originally planned to stand, but they did. I’m glad they did, they can do a lot of good – are doing a lot of good. Public service is its own reward. The truth is my other half rocks in the role.
Started a new diet and lost 50 kilos in weight. Very happy about that! Other half has lost nearly 90 kilos on the same plan.
I got back into my creative groove, doing lots of 3D work (which is therapeutic) and even started writing again. I started a new creative blog called “Painting Pixels” (https://paintingpixel.wordpress.com/). Hopefully I’ll do a better job of keeping that up to date.
Family wise – and I do have an adopted family, things are not brill. In-laws had an accident that has seen one left with a spinal injury and the other left in hospital over the Xmas Holidays. Hopefully Dad-in-Law will be home soon.
Health wise… I learned why my next valve op is being delayed. It comes down to it’s just too risky to do at the moment. I’m stable, and whilst I stay stable it’s best to leave it alone.
Mental Health wise… Yeah, I’m, “ok.” A lot to process this year, a lot to take on board and deal with – but I am getting there. I have started counselling again, with a goal to this being the last dive into the pool of therapy I need for a long time.
And of course, the end of the year would not be right without a little drama: after following all the advice, keeping myself isolated and safe during the pandemic; I caught COVID. Not doing to well with it either.
Some other things happened as well, because that’s the nature of life – but all in all, 2023 was a mixed year.
But I want to stick with tradition and say I do have a song that fits how I feel about this year – so here’s my song of the year;
Anyway, here’s to 2024. May it be as interesting, “fun” and delightful as the last year. But most of all, may it be a good year for growth and moving forward.
The Tao of James 