Blog Archive

Dr Victoria Hughes

I want to say a special thank you to Dr Victoria Hughes, the psychologist who did my Autism Screening Assessment and who also did the ADOS-2, eventually diagnosing me with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). Dr Hughes is a Chartered Psychologist accredited by The British Psychological Society (BPS) and Healthcare Professions Council (HCPC). She has a: … Continue reading Dr Victoria Hughes

Countdown: RESULTS DAY

In a little under ten hours I’ll be getting the results of my ADOS-2. Whilst any outcome is one I will celebrate – and yes, I won’t deny that it’s an important moment… I’m not going to be posting anything about it later on today. I need time to process the outcome, and then I … Continue reading Countdown: RESULTS DAY

Countdown: T MINUS 1 DAY

No matter what happens tomorrow, the truth is that nothing really changes. I know, I know. I’ve said all this before. Excuse me for repeating myself. But it is a fundamental truth. No matter what the outcome is, nothing will really change other than understanding. But understanding… That can be everything.

Countdown: T MINUS 3 DAYS

Saturday is “A” day – the day I finally get my results. I’ve sent everything I can, crossed the “t’s” dotted the “i’s” – the rest is out of my hands. I’m nervous/excited/apprehensive/happy. I said all along that this wasn’t about a particular outcome, but rather finding an answer to this question. There are many … Continue reading Countdown: T MINUS 3 DAYS


Breathe,Just sit back and breathe.Let the air fill your lungs – slowly.That’s it, in through your nose.Now exhale through your mouth,Let it leave you slowly, and once it has – breathe again.Take the air in slowly, let it fill your lungs right down to your belly.And then let it out again.Close your eyes and breathe … Continue reading Mantra


It’s hard to define with rhyme,The answers we seek,And thus defeat…The weakness in our minds. We overcome,Not through rule of thumb –But by rising high,Against that which makes us dumb. We abound,Surround,Clown around,Hurt,Flirt,Sometimes desert…That which becomes too hard. Life is not always just,But we must adjust…And thus crown our ground,With sound. Against the crime,We find … Continue reading Stand

Unexpected Help

I’ve been in a bind the last few weeks waiting for information from my GP so I can sort my Autism diagnosis out. I’ll be honest and say I don’t get on well with the head of the GP Practice I go to. He has described me as expensive and annoying. I’ve described him as … Continue reading Unexpected Help

Losing Ground

I’m spirally down, climbing the walls, lurching side to side, trying to hold on. Two documents are all I need – copies of two reports on medical notes that are mine. That’s all I need, and I can have my report I can have the diagnosis that I have been waiting for. I keep jumping … Continue reading Losing Ground

Jumping through hoops

My GP continues to be difficult about sharing information for a private assessment. After asking multiple times, signing a release form – I now have to put the request in writing. I’ve already done that. But ho hum – lets do it again. I’ve done everything they’ve asked. Not sure what to do next. How … Continue reading Jumping through hoops


I’m heading for a shutdown. I can feel it. I am spiralling down, and I need to shutdown to stop myself from hitting rock bottom. The news at the beginning of the week, and then the delay my GP is causing with the autism diagnosis (they’re reluctant to share my medical notes with a private … Continue reading Shutdown

Why I write

This is a question I have been asking myself since I started writing: why do I prefer to write rather than talk about things? In truth it’s because I find it difficult to explain myself verbally, but when faced with a blank sheet of paper I can articulate how I feel. I can finally put … Continue reading Why I write


In the next 14 days I’ll be getting the results of the ADOS-2 and the question will be answered. It’s a lot to process, which is why I took a few days out. The test itself was interesting, the doctor doing it was kind. Things have to be scored, a report has to be written … Continue reading Waiting


Locked…Locked on a date set in stone,Unmoving and unmoved –But set.Locked…Free to move within certain bounds,Wating and wated –But ready.Locked…Ready and willing,Will come when called –But unsettled.Locked…The date is set…The moment ready,But so far away.

Hard to Understand

Maybe it’s hard to understand that I’ll never learn,All of the things I should have and could.What I know, I know,And I will learn what I can…After all it’s not a competition to know the most in land. Maybe it’s hard to understand that I’ll never feel,All the things I should have and could.What I … Continue reading Hard to Understand


Yesterday was a good day. The ADOS-2 went really well – although speaking of that I have to wait for the results. That won’t be long. I’d talk long about what the ADOS-2 was but I think anyone reading this who is going through the process should go into it without knowing what is entailed. … Continue reading Processing

Countdown Mode: ZERO HOUR

The day cometh at last… WOW, that wasn’t pretentious at all. But still, here we are. The ADOS-2 and ADI-R are booked for later today. And I am nervous as hell about it all. Today is going to be a good day, because no matter what I get an answer.

Countdown Mode: ON

Friday is fast approaching, and I can’t help but count the days away. Friday, I get my formal diagnosis for ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder). It will change everything. But… It will change nothing. The thread of this is already a part of the tapestry that makes up who I am. The change is the formalisation … Continue reading Countdown Mode: ON


Something I still do to this day when the weather conditions are right – the air warm enough and the rain is not to cold. Thunder rolls out across the grey sky, herald of the rain that comes from the swirling uneven cloud above. I don’t think about it, I just open the door and … Continue reading Moment


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