Several things are coming to an end for me – and if I’m honest, I don’t do endings very well. I don’t like to let things go.
Thanks to my blood family the trial I gave evidence in was messed up so badly that both the Police and the CPS were shocked at how hateful they could be. They wanted a victory over me (at any cost) and… They got one.
But not in the way they think.
To be blunt, I think they were trying to hurt me, destroy me again. And that didn’t happen. Yes, what they did meant a child abuser is allowed to walk free in the world. But they also slipped up. One of them admitted to being paid to give the statement they did, and the CPS should have followed that up and looked deeper into it. They didn’t, and we got the ending we got.
I was heard and was believed by the people that matter. My reputation remains intact. My blood family on the other hand destroyed their credibility and reputations. In the end, they destroyed themselves.
But that saga is now over. I walked away from the people I share DNA with because all they knew how to do was hurt each other, and I couldn’t be a part of that anymore. I wanted – have now – a peaceful life. Leaving them behind wasn’t easy but had to be done.
If I can accept that end and move forward; I can accept that other things end.
I was discharged by the mental health team last year because I am stable. My CPN and I have agreed that it is time for me to stand on my own two feet and that his role in my development and recovery is no longer needed. I see the truth of that and agree.
But it means saying goodbye to him, and that’s not going to be easy.
My advocate has also stated that with the court case over and my mental health stable that her role in my life has come to an end.
So, in July I will be meeting with them both for the last time and saying goodbye to them. And this means change, and… I don’t do change, lol.
But change is a natural part of life and living. Change happens whether we like it or not. Change is a constant.
But change to me is not natural. It feels alien. I would rather things stay the same. BUT, even I recognise the value in things changing.
So, it is time to let things go. It is time to move forward. It is time to heal and grow.
I can do that.
The Tao of James 